You do not need another strategy for getting someone to choose you. You need to stop leaving yourself.
Maybe the relationship feels uncertain. Maybe someone has pulled away. Maybe you know you are overthinking, chasing or trying too hard, and knowing that has not been enough to stop.
This is the work I do with women inside The Secure Woman.
A private 12-week coaching experience for high-functioning women who want extraordinary love without abandoning themselves to receive it.
You do not have to know exactly what is wrong before you ask for help.
Most women do not come to me saying, “I need to work on self-abandonment.”
They come because the relationship hurts. He is pulling away. They cannot stop thinking about an ex. They are terrified they are about to lose someone they love. Or they keep repeating a pattern they understand intellectually but cannot seem to change when it matters.
We start there.
We work with the relationship in front of you, while changing what happens inside you when love feels uncertain.
The Secure Woman
My private 12-week coaching experience for the woman who can handle almost anything until love feels uncertain.
This work is not about becoming less emotional, less loving or less invested.
It is about becoming secure enough in yourself that wanting someone no longer requires losing yourself.
We work with what is happening now, and what keeps making it happen.
The relationship gives us the doorway. Together, we look underneath the overthinking, the fear, the chasing, the waiting, the proving and the urge to control the outcome.
Then we begin changing the pattern at its center: your relationship with yourself.
- Recognize what takes over when love feels uncertain.
- Stop organizing your behavior around someone else's response.
- Learn to stay connected to your own truth when something important is at stake.
- Tell the truth about what you want without making yourself smaller.
- Know when a relationship is asking you to grow and when it is asking you to betray yourself.
- Create love from self-trust instead of fear.
Knowing your pattern is powerful. Changing who gets to choose is the work.
Recognize What Takes Over
You learn to see the moment uncertainty turns into chasing, performing, withdrawing, controlling or overthinking, before the pattern makes the decision for you.
Secure the Center
You learn to stay connected to your feelings, needs and truth when something important is at stake, instead of reaching outside yourself for security.
Choose What Happens Next
You begin responding from clarity instead of protection. You see what is real, what you want and what becomes possible when fear is no longer making the decision.
The Secure Woman may be the right fit if...
You recognize yourself here
- You are capable and confident in most areas of your life, but relationships can make you question yourself.
- You overanalyze texts, silence, distance or changes in someone's energy.
- You know about attachment styles but insight alone has not changed the pattern.
- You find yourself giving more, asking for less or trying to become easier to love.
- You are tired of letting another person's uncertainty determine how you feel about yourself.
And you are ready for this
- To stop asking only, “How do I make this relationship work?”
- To begin asking, “What is actually true for me?”
- To understand your patterns without using them as another way to judge yourself.
- To make relationship decisions from self-trust rather than panic.
- To create a life that feels like yours whether someone stays or goes.
I know what it is to desperately want to be chosen. And I know what it is to feel securely loved.
In the first year of my marriage, my husband handed me divorce papers.
My instinct was to try harder. Be more understanding. Be more patient. Somewhere inside me was the belief that if I could love him well enough, I could make sure he chose me.
The breakthrough was not deciding I did not want the marriage. It was learning to stop abandoning myself to control whether I got to keep it.
Twenty years later, Jeff and I have built the most secure, connected relationship of my life. And that security changed far more than our marriage.
It changed how I chose, created, worked, received and lived.
That lived experience, together with my training in counseling psychology, is what I bring to this work.
Pacifica Graduate Institute · Married 20 years
More than a decade coaching clients worldwide
Couples Coaching is a separate path.
For two people who love each other and keep getting pulled into the same painful cycle.
We look at the pattern operating between you, what each of you brings to it, and what needs to change so the relationship can become safer, more honest and more connected.
The goal is not to decide who is right. It is to stop letting the pattern make the relationship smaller than the love inside it.
You do not need to know exactly what kind of help you need.
Tell me what is happening. We will begin there.
You do not have to commit to coaching before we talk.
The clarity call is simply a place to look together at what is happening, what keeps repeating, and whether working together makes sense.
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1
Tell me what brought you here.
We talk about the relationship, situation or pattern that is taking up your energy now.
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2
We look underneath it.
I help you see what may actually be keeping you stuck and what kind of support would help.
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3
We decide whether we are a fit.
If The Secure Woman is the right next step, I will explain how it works. If it is not, I will tell you that too.
You do not have to figure out the whole relationship before you take the next step.
Start with one honest conversation about what is happening now.
We will look at what keeps repeating, what you actually want, and whether The Secure Woman is the right support for you.
Not ready to talk yet? Take the two-minute relationship pattern quiz.
